someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
