My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
