i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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