u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
