she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize