You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm sobbing to NWA
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
