God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
