you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
