It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I skipped work to stalk him.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
