Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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