Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
