Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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