You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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