His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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