I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
