The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
