oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
