The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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