I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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