i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
