Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
