there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
