My Higher Power is John Stamos
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
