If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
