I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
