Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
