Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize