My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the day after is always just damage control
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
