Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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