New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
