i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
