I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
