i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize