he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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