life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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