Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
