This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize