Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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