this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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