i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
