I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
