I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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