oh god the rape fog is back!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dear god my vagina.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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