Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
