I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize