They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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