MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
