My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize