I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
