her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
