At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
