I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
