I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
