hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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