...so i touched it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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