see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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