Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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