my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
