I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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