so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
