Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
