just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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