this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize