i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
