I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
