i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
