His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
