It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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