I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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