There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you inspire me to be a worse person
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
