Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
