sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
