ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
