Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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