Fine. I'll sleep in my office
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
