i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
