I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize