You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
