she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
