So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
