he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
