Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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