I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize