Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
